Identifying a covert narcissist can be challenging because they are skilled at hiding their true nature behind a facade of humility and modesty. Unlike overt narcissists, who display grandiose behavior and seek attention openly, covert narcissists are more subtle in their tactics. They tend to present themselves as empathetic, sensitive, and selfless individuals, making it difficult for others to recognize their manipulative tendencies.
The true colors of a covert narcissist may start to show in certain situations or over time, especially as their tactics and behaviors become more apparent. Here are some common scenarios where their true nature might become evident:
Criticism and rejection: When a covert narcissist faces criticism or rejection, their fragile self-esteem can be threatened. They may react with hostility, passive-aggressive behavior, or a sudden withdrawal of affection and support.
Competition and jealousy: Covert narcissists may become intensely jealous and envious of others' success or attention. They might undermine or belittle the achievements of others to maintain their sense of superiority.
Failure to meet expectations: If they fail to live up to the expectations they set for themselves or others have for them, a covert narcissist may become defensive or avoidant.
Relationships and intimacy: In close relationships, the covert narcissist's need for admiration and validation may become more apparent. They might exploit the emotional vulnerability of their partner to fulfill their own needs.
Entitlement and manipulation: Despite their apparent humility, covert narcissists still harbor a sense of entitlement. They may manipulate others to get what they want, using guilt, pity, or martyrdom to gain sympathy and control.
Lack of empathy: While they may seem empathetic on the surface, covert narcissists often struggle to genuinely understand and connect with others' emotions. They may prioritize their needs and feelings over others'.
Victimization: Covert narcissists may adopt a victim mentality when faced with criticism or consequences of their actions. They may deflect blame onto others and refuse to take responsibility for their mistakes.
Triangulation: In relationships, they may engage in triangulation, pitting people against each other to maintain control and avoid accountability.
It's essential to remember that everyone has flaws and may exhibit some narcissistic traits from time to time. A diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder requires a pattern of pervasive and persistent behaviors that cause significant distress or impairment in functioning. If you suspect someone might be a covert narcissist and their behavior is causing harm, consider seeking professional advice from a mental health expert.