When dealing with narcissists, their behavior can be confusing and contradictory. The reasons why a narcissist may say they want you back after discarding you can vary and are often rooted in the complexities of their personality and psychological makeup. Here are some possible explanations for this behavior:
Need for Validation: Narcissists thrive on attention, admiration, and validation from others. When they discard someone, they may feel a temporary loss of that validation, leading them to seek the person back to regain their sense of self-worth.
Control and Power: Narcissists often have a strong desire for control and power over others. By discarding you and then trying to get you back, they may be attempting to assert their dominance and maintain control over the relationship.
Fear of Abandonment: Despite their grandiose exterior, narcissists can be deeply insecure. The fear of being abandoned or rejected themselves can drive them to try to keep you on the hook as a source of validation and attention.
Manipulation and Hoovering: "Hoovering" is a term used to describe the tactics that narcissists use to suck their targets back into the relationship. They might employ love bombing, false promises of change, or guilt-tripping to manipulate you into returning.
Ego Boost: Narcissists can view relationships as a reflection of their own worth. By getting you back, they may perceive it as an ego boost, reaffirming their belief in their desirability and charm.
Need for Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists require constant validation and admiration from others, known as narcissistic supply. If they are unable to find new sources of supply, they may attempt to recycle old ones, including past partners.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often struggle to empathize with others' feelings, including the pain they may have caused during the discard phase. Their focus is primarily on their own needs and desires.
It's essential to remember that engaging with a narcissist can be harmful and emotionally draining. If you have experienced a toxic relationship with a narcissist, it is generally recommended to establish strict no-contact boundaries to protect yourself and prioritize your well-being.
Keep in mind that while these reasons might explain some of the behaviors you observe in a narcissist, each individual and situation can be unique. It's crucial to approach the understanding of narcissistic behavior with the guidance of mental health professionals if you find yourself entangled in such a situation.