Whether or not to send a goodbye message when going no contact with a narcissist is a personal decision and can depend on the specific circumstances of the situation. Here are some factors to consider when making this decision:
Safety: If you believe that contacting the narcissist could put you in danger or escalate the situation, it's better to prioritize your safety and not send a goodbye message. In such cases, it might be best to quietly and discreetly go no contact.
Emotional Well-being: Consider how sending a goodbye message might impact your emotional well-being. If you feel that expressing yourself and getting closure through a message would be helpful, you may choose to do so. However, if you anticipate that it could lead to further emotional distress or manipulation, it might be better to refrain from sending a message.
Narcissist's Response: Narcissists may use any form of communication as an opportunity to manipulate, guilt-trip, or hoover (i.e., attempt to suck you back into the relationship). If you're concerned about the potential consequences of a response from the narcissist, you might opt not to send a goodbye message.
Closure: Some individuals find that writing a goodbye message allows them to express their feelings, validate their experiences, and gain a sense of closure, even if they don't actually send the message.
Ghosting vs. Goodbye Message: Ghosting (disappearing without explanation) might be a suitable approach in certain situations to avoid further conflict and minimize potential harm. However, sending a brief and clear goodbye message can also provide closure and set boundaries.
If you decide to send a goodbye message, here are some tips:
- Keep it brief and straightforward: Avoid providing detailed explanations or engaging in prolonged discussions.
- Be clear and assertive: State your decision to go no contact and the reasons for it without leaving room for negotiation.
- Avoid emotional triggers: Stay calm and avoid engaging in emotional exchanges that could potentially draw you back in.
- Set boundaries: Make it clear that you expect no further contact from the narcissist.
Ultimately, the choice of sending a goodbye message or not depends on your judgment of what will be most beneficial for your well-being and safety. If you're uncertain about what to do, consider discussing your decision with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group for additional perspective and guidance.