Feeling guilty in this situation is entirely understandable, as it involves a complex relationship with your mother. However, whether or not you should feel guilty depends on the specific dynamics of your relationship and the reasons behind your decision.
If your mother has consistently exhibited toxic behavior, mistreated you, or caused emotional harm, it's essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and set healthy boundaries. In such cases, it might be reasonable not to wish her a happy birthday if doing so feels disingenuous or potentially harmful to your mental health.
Here are some considerations to help you evaluate your feelings of guilt:
Self-Preservation: Your emotional well-being and mental health should be a priority. If interacting with your mother triggers negative emotions or stress, it might be better to focus on your own healing and self-preservation.
Boundaries: Setting boundaries with toxic individuals is crucial for maintaining a healthy life. If wishing your mother a happy birthday feels like crossing a boundary or enabling harmful behavior, it's okay not to do so.
Intentions: Reflect on your intentions. If you genuinely want to wish her well, despite past issues, that's a personal decision. However, if you feel pressured or obligated to do so out of guilt, it's essential to question whether it aligns with your emotional needs.
Seeking Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings and the complexities of your relationship with your mother. An outside perspective can be valuable in gaining clarity and understanding.
No Contact or Limited Contact: If your relationship with your mother is severely toxic, you might have considered implementing no contact or limited contact. In such cases, not wishing her a happy birthday might align with these choices.
Ultimately, every situation is unique, and only you can determine what is best for your emotional well-being. It's essential to acknowledge and process your feelings, including guilt, while also recognizing that prioritizing your mental health is valid and necessary.
If you find it challenging to navigate your emotions or your relationship with your mother, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.