It's challenging to determine the exact motivations behind your narcissistic ex reaching out to you after three years without more specific information about the situation. However, there are several possible reasons why a narcissistic ex might contact you:
Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists constantly seek attention, admiration, and validation from others, known as narcissistic supply. They may reach out to previous partners, even after a significant amount of time has passed, to see if they can still extract supply from them.
Hoovering: Hoovering is a manipulation tactic used by narcissists to draw their previous partners back into their orbit. They might contact you to reestablish contact, reignite old feelings, or create a sense of dependence to maintain control over you.
Ego Boost: Narcissists have fragile self-esteem and may use former relationships to boost their ego. Receiving a response from you might give them a temporary sense of power and importance.
Validation of Self-Worth: If your ex is experiencing difficulties in their current life or relationships, they might be seeking validation from past partners to reaffirm their self-worth.
Boredom or Curiosity: Sometimes, narcissists contact ex-partners out of sheer boredom or curiosity. They might not have any specific intentions but reach out to see if you respond.
Manipulation and Control: Narcissists are skilled manipulators and may use communication as a way to control or manipulate you, especially if they sense vulnerability or a potential to exploit your emotions.
Sense of Ownership: Narcissists often see their ex-partners as extensions of themselves and may believe they still have some claim over you. Contacting you could be a way for them to exert control and maintain a sense of possession.
Regret or Nostalgia: In some cases, a narcissistic ex may genuinely feel regret or nostalgia for the past, leading them to reach out. However, their motives might still be self-centered, seeking comfort or validation rather than genuinely trying to repair the relationship.
It's important to approach any communication from a narcissistic ex with caution. Narcissists can be highly manipulative and toxic in their interactions. If you do not wish to engage with your ex or feel uncomfortable doing so, it's crucial to set clear boundaries and protect your emotional well-being. If you find the contact distressing or difficult to manage, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to help you navigate the situation.