It is possible for a narcissistic individual to be happily married for an extended period, though there are several potential explanations for this scenario:
Idealization phase: Narcissists are known for their ability to idealize their partners during the initial stages of a relationship. During the "love bombing" phase, they can be charming, attentive, and appear to be the perfect partner. This intense idealization can create a powerful emotional bond and make their partner feel deeply loved and valued.
Dependent partner: In some cases, the non-narcissistic partner may have codependent tendencies or low self-esteem, which can make them more susceptible to staying in a relationship with a narcissist. They might feel unable to leave or fear being alone, leading them to tolerate the narcissist's behavior.
Empathy or change in behavior: While genuine changes in behavior are rare for narcissists, some individuals may exhibit temporary improvements in certain aspects of their behavior. They might become more attentive or controlling of their harmful tendencies for a period, which could contribute to the perception of a happier marriage.
External appearance: Narcissists often care deeply about their public image and how they are perceived by others. To maintain the appearance of a successful relationship, they may invest efforts in projecting a positive image to family, friends, and the community, even if the reality behind closed doors is different.
Covert narcissism: Not all narcissists exhibit their traits in an overt and aggressive manner. Some individuals have covert narcissism, where they display a more subdued and self-pitying behavior. This type of narcissism might not be as immediately recognizable, making it easier for them to maintain long-term relationships.
Selective disclosure: Narcissists can be skilled at hiding their negative traits and only revealing their charming side to certain people or in specific situations. This selective disclosure can allow them to maintain positive relationships with some individuals while displaying more toxic behavior towards others.
Self-preservation: In some cases, a narcissist may choose to stay in a long-term relationship if it benefits them in some way, such as financial stability, social status, or securing a reliable source of emotional support and validation.
It's important to remember that each individual and relationship is unique, and the dynamics in a marriage involving a narcissistic partner can vary significantly. While some narcissists may manage to maintain long-term relationships, it's crucial to acknowledge that these relationships can still be emotionally harmful and challenging for the non-narcissistic partner. If you or someone you know is in a relationship with a narcissist, seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be essential in navigating the complexities of the situation.