It's important to note that I cannot diagnose individuals, and the terms "covert narcissist" and "garden variety cheater" are not formal psychological classifications. However, I can provide some general information on how individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits may differ from those who cheat but do not necessarily have narcissistic tendencies.
- Covert Narcissist and Cheating:
A covert narcissist is someone who displays narcissistic traits but in a more subtle and less overt manner than a typical or "overt" narcissist. When it comes to cheating, a covert narcissist may exhibit some specific behaviors:
Deceptive Charm: Covert narcissists can be exceptionally charming and skilled at appearing empathetic and understanding, making them appear more trustworthy to potential partners.
Emotional Manipulation: They might manipulate their partner's emotions, making them feel guilty or responsible for the narcissist's actions or choices, including the narcissist's decision to cheat.
Victim Mentality: Covert narcissists often play the victim to avoid responsibility for their actions. If caught cheating, they may portray themselves as unhappy or unfulfilled in the relationship, deflecting blame onto their partner.
Lack of Empathy: They may struggle to understand the pain and hurt they've caused their partner due to their cheating behavior.
Gaslighting: Covert narcissists may gaslight their partner, denying or minimizing the cheating, making the victim doubt their own perceptions and feelings.
- "Garden" Variety Cheater:
A "garden" variety cheater refers to individuals who cheat in relationships but may not necessarily have significant narcissistic traits. Some common behaviors of non-narcissistic individuals who cheat include:
Opportunity-Driven: Garden variety cheaters may cheat due to a perceived opportunity or temptation, often without significant premeditation or manipulation.
Emotional Disconnect: They may cheat when they feel emotionally disconnected from their current partner and seek emotional validation elsewhere.
Guilt and Remorse: While not all cheaters show remorse, some individuals who cheat may genuinely regret their actions and feel guilty about hurting their partner.
Confession: In some cases, a non-narcissistic cheater may confess to their partner about their infidelity due to guilt or a desire to be honest.
Less Manipulative: Unlike covert narcissists, non-narcissistic cheaters may not engage in extensive manipulation or gaslighting tactics.
It's important to recognize that people's behavior can be complex and multifaceted, and not all cheaters will fit neatly into these categories. Additionally, cheating is harmful regardless of the underlying motivations, and it can have severe consequences on trust and the health of a relationship.
If you are dealing with infidelity in your relationship, consider seeking professional support, such as couples counseling or individual therapy, to navigate through the emotional challenges and decide on the best course of action for your well-being.