It's not uncommon for people to project their own issues onto others, including their partners. When your boyfriend calls you a narcissist while displaying narcissistic traits himself, it could be a defense mechanism or a way for him to deflect responsibility and avoid facing his own behavior. This behavior is known as "projection."
Projection occurs when someone unconsciously attributes their own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to another person. In this case, your boyfriend may see or recognize some narcissistic traits in himself but instead projects them onto you to avoid accepting or confronting his own shortcomings. It allows him to maintain a self-image that is free from flaws or negative qualities.
There are a few reasons why someone might resort to projection:
Defense Mechanism: Projection is a defense mechanism used by the ego to protect itself from uncomfortable or threatening thoughts or feelings. It allows the individual to externalize their issues and see them as problems with others rather than facing them within themselves.
Lack of Self-Awareness: Some individuals lack self-awareness and struggle to recognize their own behaviors and motivations. Instead of reflecting on their actions, they may focus on perceived faults in others.
Manipulation: Narcissists are known for their manipulative behaviors. Accusing you of being a narcissist could be a tactic to shift blame, undermine your self-confidence, or control the narrative of the relationship.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your perception of reality. By calling you a narcissist, he may be trying to make you question your own behavior and emotions, making it easier for him to control the relationship.
If you believe your boyfriend is displaying narcissistic traits, it's essential to take a step back and consider the dynamics of the relationship. Reflect on whether the relationship is healthy and supportive or if it's causing harm. It can be beneficial to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to gain clarity and understanding about the situation.
In any relationship, open communication and a willingness to address issues honestly are crucial. If your boyfriend's behavior is negatively impacting your well-being and he is unwilling to take responsibility for his actions, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship and prioritize your own mental and emotional health. Remember that no one deserves to be in an emotionally harmful or abusive relationship.