Narcissists can exhibit different behaviors depending on the context and the people involved. One of the reasons why narcissists may appear nicer to complete strangers than to those closest to them is related to their need for admiration and validation.
Seeking Positive Reinforcement: Narcissists crave constant admiration and validation from others to boost their fragile self-esteem. When interacting with strangers, they have the opportunity to present a carefully crafted image of themselves, one that they believe will be positively received. Strangers don't know their flaws or weaknesses, so narcissists may feel more comfortable being charming and likable in these interactions to elicit positive feedback.
No Emotional Investment: With strangers, there is little emotional investment or attachment. Narcissists often struggle with genuine emotional connections, and maintaining a façade of charm and politeness is relatively easy when there are no deep emotional ties involved.
Short-Term Gains: Being kind and pleasant to strangers can serve the narcissist's short-term goals. They may want to impress others, gain something they desire (e.g., attention, admiration, favors), or manipulate situations to their advantage. In these cases, they might temporarily suppress their negative traits to achieve their objectives.
No Vulnerability Exposure: Interacting with strangers doesn't require the same level of vulnerability as intimate relationships. In close relationships, the narcissist may feel more threatened by feelings of intimacy, trust, and emotional openness, leading them to erect defensive walls and exhibit negative behaviors to protect themselves from perceived threats.
Lack of Familiarity: With strangers, the narcissist doesn't have the same history or baggage, which may trigger their insecurities or feelings of competition that could arise in established relationships. Strangers are a blank slate where the narcissist can more easily project their idealized self-image.
It's essential to recognize that the charm and niceness displayed by narcissists, especially towards strangers, are often a facade and part of their manipulative tactics. The superficial charm can easily shift to devaluation and mistreatment once they no longer need the validation or when they feel threatened or challenged in any way.
If you're in a relationship with a narcissist or have experienced their harmful behaviors, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being, set healthy boundaries, and seek support from friends, family, or a qualified mental health professional. Understanding narcissistic behaviors can help you navigate interactions with such individuals more effectively and protect your own emotional health.