When you call out a covert narcissist, they may appear pitiful or evoke sympathy for several reasons:
Fragile self-esteem: Covert narcissists have a fragile sense of self-esteem, despite their outward appearance of humility and vulnerability. When confronted or criticized, their self-esteem takes a hit, and they may react with defensiveness or self-pity.
Victim mentality: Covert narcissists often adopt a victim mentality, believing that they are unfairly treated or misunderstood by others. When called out, they may use this victim narrative to garner sympathy and deflect responsibility for their actions.
Manipulative tactics: Covert narcissists are skilled at emotional manipulation. They may use self-pity as a tactic to guilt-trip others into feeling sorry for them, thus avoiding accountability for their behavior.
Lack of empathy: While they may seem sensitive and empathetic on the surface, covert narcissists struggle to genuinely understand or validate others' feelings. Instead, they may use self-pity as a way to focus attention back on themselves.
Fear of abandonment: Covert narcissists fear rejection and abandonment deeply. When confronted, they may feel threatened by the potential loss of admiration or approval, leading them to use self-pity as a means of regaining attention and control.
Shifting blame: Rather than accepting responsibility for their actions, covert narcissists may use their pitiful demeanor as a distraction, redirecting attention away from the issue at hand and onto their perceived suffering.
It's essential to be aware of these dynamics when dealing with a covert narcissist. Calling out their behavior may not lead to genuine self-reflection or change, as they are more likely to focus on preserving their self-image and avoiding accountability. Setting clear boundaries and seeking support from trusted friends or professionals can be crucial when dealing with these challenging situations.