Narcissists engage in a behavior known as "hoovering" rather than "hovering," which refers to their persistent efforts to draw someone back into a relationship or situation after they have discarded or devalued them. The term "hoovering" is derived from the brand name of a vacuum cleaner, suggesting that narcissists attempt to suck their former victims back into their lives.
There are several reasons why narcissists engage in hoovering:
Ego and Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists have an insatiable need for attention, admiration, and validation from others. When they hoover, they may be seeking to regain a source of narcissistic supply – the emotional energy and attention they receive from others. This can temporarily boost their fragile self-esteem and reaffirm their sense of superiority.
Control and Power: Narcissists thrive on maintaining control over their victims. By hoovering, they can assert dominance and control over the individual's emotions and actions. It allows them to manipulate and influence the victim to fulfill their desires.
Fear of Abandonment: While narcissists may not genuinely care for others, they fear abandonment deeply. When they sense that their former victim is moving on or finding happiness without them, they may feel threatened and seek to reestablish control over the situation.
Idealization-Devaluation Cycle: Narcissists often follow a pattern of idealizing their victims in the early stages of a relationship, followed by devaluation when the victim no longer serves their needs. Hoovering is a way to restart the cycle, where they might attempt to lure the victim back with promises of change and love during the idealization phase.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists struggle to understand or empathize with the emotions of others. They may be unaware of the harm they caused or genuinely believe that they can rectify past wrongs, which drives them to hoover their former victims.
Ego Stroke and Validation: Hoovering can be a means for the narcissist to feel a sense of triumph and superiority if they succeed in getting the victim to return. It reaffirms their perception of being powerful and irresistible.
It's essential to recognize that hoovering is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to maintain control and narcissistic supply. Victims of narcissistic abuse should be cautious and prioritize their well-being when dealing with hoovering attempts. Setting clear boundaries and seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can be crucial in breaking free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse.