It's not uncommon for people to still have feelings for their ex-partners, even if they were in a toxic or unhealthy relationship with a narcissist. There are several reasons why you might still want your narcissist ex-girlfriend, even after a year of leaving her:
Trauma Bonding: Narcissists often create a strong emotional bond with their partners through a manipulation tactic known as trauma bonding. This bond can be difficult to break, and you may still feel attached to her despite the negative experiences.
Idealization: During the idealization phase of the relationship, narcissists can be incredibly charming, attentive, and make their partners feel special. You might be longing for the person she appeared to be during this phase, hoping that side of her will return.
Dependency: If you were emotionally dependent on your ex-girlfriend during the relationship, breaking that dependency can be challenging. It's natural to miss the emotional connection, even if it was unhealthy.
Low Self-Esteem: Narcissists often target individuals with low self-esteem, and the toxic relationship dynamics can reinforce negative beliefs about yourself. You might still want her validation, even though you know it's not healthy.
Familiarity: Humans are creatures of habit, and the familiarity of being in a relationship, even a toxic one, can create a sense of comfort and stability, making it difficult to let go.
Selective Memory: After a relationship ends, it's common for people to remember the good times and minimize the negative aspects. You might be holding onto the positive memories while overlooking the harmful behavior.
Fear of Being Alone: Leaving a relationship, especially with a narcissist, can leave you feeling vulnerable and afraid of being alone. These feelings might lead you to romanticize the past and want to return to what was familiar.
Hope for Change: There could be a part of you that hopes your ex-girlfriend will change or that the relationship can be salvaged. This hope can keep you emotionally attached.
Breaking away from a toxic relationship, especially with a narcissist, is a challenging process. It's essential to prioritize your well-being and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you heal and move forward. Take time to focus on personal growth, self-compassion, and building healthier relationships in the future. Remember that healing from the effects of a narcissistic relationship takes time, but it is possible with the right support and commitment to your own well-being.