In families with a narcissistic parent, the dynamics can be complex and harmful to the children involved. However, it's essential to understand that not all narcissists act the same way, and the dynamics in each family can vary significantly. Also, I must clarify that not all narcissists intentionally want their children to fail; rather, their behavior is often driven by their underlying narcissistic traits and tendencies.
In such families, there are typically different roles that children may take on:
Golden Child: The golden child is often favored by the narcissistic parent. They might receive excessive praise and attention and may be idealized by the narcissistic parent. The golden child is seen as an extension of the narcissistic parent's ego, and the parent may expect them to succeed and achieve according to the parent's desires.
Scapegoat: The scapegoat, on the other hand, is often the target of blame and criticism. They are made to bear the brunt of the narcissistic parent's frustrations and inadequacies. The scapegoat might be perceived as the cause of the parent's problems, and their accomplishments and successes may be undermined or dismissed.
Lost Child: The lost child is the one who tries to stay under the radar and avoid conflict with the narcissistic parent. They may become withdrawn and emotionally distant from the family dynamics to protect themselves.
The Enabler: In some cases, there may be a child who takes on the role of the enabler. They try to keep the peace in the family, support the narcissistic parent, and sometimes even align with the parent's toxic behaviors.
It's important to note that these roles can be fluid, and children may shift between them depending on the family dynamics and the narcissistic parent's behavior.
While a narcissistic parent may show favoritism towards the golden child and may target the scapegoat, the ultimate goal is often to maintain control and ensure that their needs for admiration and validation are met. In some cases, a narcissistic parent may not want any of their children to outshine them or become more successful, as it could be perceived as a threat to their sense of superiority.
Each child's experience within such a family can be unique, and the effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent can be lasting. Children may carry the emotional scars into adulthood, and it's crucial for them to seek therapy and support to heal from the negative impact of their upbringing.
If you or someone you know is dealing with the aftermath of being raised by a narcissistic parent, seeking the help of a qualified mental health professional can be beneficial in processing and healing from these experiences.