Yes, it is not uncommon for children who were the scapegoats in dysfunctional families to end up in abusive relationships with narcissists as adults. The dynamics of being the scapegoat within the family can have long-lasting effects on a person's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and relationship patterns.
When children grow up as scapegoats in a family with a narcissistic parent or caregiver, they often experience:
Low Self-Esteem: Being constantly criticized, blamed, and devalued by the narcissistic parent can lead to a profound sense of worthlessness and low self-esteem in the child.
Emotional Neglect: Scapegoat children may receive little emotional support or validation, leaving them vulnerable to seeking validation from others outside the family.
Lack of Boundaries: Narcissistic parents often fail to respect the boundaries of their children, leading to difficulties in understanding and establishing healthy boundaries in their adult relationships.
Codependency: As the scapegoat, children may develop codependent tendencies, feeling responsible for the happiness and well-being of others and neglecting their own needs.
Tolerance for Abuse: Growing up with emotional abuse and manipulation can normalize abusive behavior for the scapegoat child, making them more likely to accept similar treatment in future relationships.
Seeking Familiarity: Unconsciously, individuals may gravitate towards relationships that resemble the dynamics they experienced in their family of origin because it feels familiar to them, even if it's unhealthy.
Desire for Validation: Scapegoat children may seek validation and approval from others, often attracting individuals with narcissistic traits who initially provide praise and admiration.
Challenges Identifying Healthy Relationships: Having experienced toxic dynamics during childhood, they may have difficulty recognizing and maintaining healthy relationships as adults.
It's essential to recognize that while these patterns are common for individuals who were scapegoated in their families, they don't determine a person's fate. With self-awareness, healing, and support, individuals can break free from these patterns and form healthier relationships. Therapy, counseling, and support groups can be valuable resources for those seeking to heal from the effects of a dysfunctional family and avoid repeating similar patterns in their adult relationships.