Children of narcissistic parents often have complex and conflicting feelings about their parents, including the "nice" parent. It's important to understand that narcissism exists on a spectrum, and not all parents who exhibit some narcissistic traits are the same. In some cases, there may be one parent who is overtly narcissistic, while the other may play a more passive or enabling role. Here are some common ways children of narcissistic parents may think about the "nice" parent:
Confusion and Ambivalence: Children may feel confused and conflicted because the "nice" parent can display love, kindness, and caring at times. However, this behavior might be intermittent and conditional, as the "nice" parent may also enable or cover up the actions of the overtly narcissistic parent.
Protective Attachment: Children often seek emotional safety and attachment figures in their parents. Even if the "nice" parent isn't perfect or consistently caring, they may still be the child's primary source of comfort and support, leading the child to feel a sense of attachment to them.
Dependency: The child may become emotionally dependent on the "nice" parent to compensate for the lack of emotional support from the narcissistic parent. They might hope that the "nice" parent will protect them from the negative actions of the narcissistic parent.
Guilt and Loyalty: Children of narcissistic parents often experience feelings of guilt and loyalty towards the "nice" parent. They may feel guilty for having negative thoughts or feelings about the "nice" parent and worry about betraying their trust or affection.
Idealization and Disillusionment: At times, the child may idealize the "nice" parent, especially during periods when they display caring and loving behavior. However, this idealization can turn into disappointment and disillusionment when the "nice" parent fails to protect them from the narcissistic parent's harmful actions.
Emotional Manipulation: The "nice" parent may use affection and kindness as a means of emotional manipulation, especially if they are aware of the child's attachment to them. They may use their "niceness" to control the child's behavior or to ensure the child remains loyal and doesn't speak out against the narcissistic parent.
Difficulty Recognizing the Dysfunction: Children raised in narcissistic environments may normalize dysfunctional behavior because it's all they've known. They may struggle to recognize the toxicity of the relationship dynamics until much later in life.
It's important to remember that each child's experience is unique, and their thoughts and feelings about the "nice" parent can vary widely. As children grow older and gain more insight into their family dynamics, they may start to recognize the unhealthy patterns and seek healing and support to overcome the effects of growing up in a narcissistic environment. Therapy or counseling can be beneficial for individuals seeking to understand and address the impact of narcissistic parenting on their emotional well-being.