Covert narcissists are characterized by their more subtle and less overtly grandiose behavior compared to the more commonly known "overt" narcissists. They share many traits with traditional narcissists, but they differ in how they express those traits. One key aspect that sets covert narcissists apart is their inclination towards privacy. There are several reasons why covert narcissists tend to be more private:
Fragile Self-Esteem: Covert narcissists often have fragile self-esteem and are more sensitive to criticism and rejection. They may fear that if others get too close or know too much about them, their vulnerabilities and insecurities will be exposed, leading to a blow to their self-esteem.
Fear of Rejection: Covert narcissists can have an intense fear of rejection or abandonment. By being private and guarded, they believe they can protect themselves from potential rejection or negative judgments from others.
Maintaining a Positive Image: Like all narcissists, covert narcissists are invested in maintaining a positive self-image. However, instead of boasting and seeking attention like overt narcissists, they may try to create an image of being humble, self-sacrificing, or selfless. By being private, they can better control the information that others perceive about them, crafting an image that aligns with their desired portrayal.
Control and Power: Privacy allows covert narcissists to maintain a sense of control over their interactions and relationships. By controlling what information is shared, they can manipulate the perception others have of them, keeping others at arm's length while still being able to influence them.
Avoiding Accountability: Covert narcissists may engage in manipulative or toxic behaviors but are less likely to take direct responsibility for their actions. By being private and secretive, they can evade accountability for their behavior, making it harder for others to confront or challenge them.
Avoiding Intimacy: Covert narcissists can struggle with genuine emotional intimacy. They might fear getting too close to others due to their underlying feelings of inadequacy or their fear of being exposed. Maintaining privacy helps keep emotional distance and protects them from becoming vulnerable.
Protecting Vulnerable Ego: Covert narcissists may harbor feelings of shame or inadequacy beneath their facade of humility. Keeping their true selves hidden shields their vulnerable ego from potential harm.
It is important to recognize that the behavior of covert narcissists, like all individuals with personality disorders, can vary from person to person. Not every private person is a covert narcissist, and not every covert narcissist behaves the same way. If you suspect someone may be a covert narcissist, it is best to seek professional guidance to navigate relationships with them effectively and maintain your emotional well-being.