Yes, it is relatively common for a covert narcissist to expect the other person to initiate contact after a discard. There are several reasons why a covert narcissist might behave this way:
Desire for Control: Covert narcissists, like other narcissistic individuals, have a strong desire for control and power in their relationships. By making the other person initiate contact after a discard, they can maintain a sense of control over the situation. It allows them to gauge the other person's willingness to re-engage and gives them the power to decide when and how the interaction will occur.
Validation of Self-Worth: Covert narcissists often have fragile self-esteem and rely heavily on external validation to feel good about themselves. By making the other person reach out first, they are seeking validation that the person still values or cares about them. It boosts their ego to know that the other person is willing to make an effort to reconnect.
Avoiding Rejection: Covert narcissists can fear rejection and abandonment, even though they may not express it openly. By having the other person initiate contact, they reduce the risk of rejection since they are not putting themselves in a vulnerable position. If the other person reaches out, it reassures the narcissist that they are still wanted.
Lack of Empathy: Covert narcissists tend to have difficulty empathizing with others and may not fully grasp the emotional impact of their actions. They might not consider how the discard affected the other person and, therefore, may not feel the need to initiate contact.
Manipulative Strategy: Covert narcissists are skilled at manipulation and mind games. Making the other person reach out first can be part of a manipulative strategy to keep them engaged and under their influence. It allows them to continue playing with the person's emotions and keeping them uncertain about the relationship.
Avoiding Responsibility: Initiating contact after a discard might imply some level of responsibility or accountability for the end of the relationship. Covert narcissists may avoid taking responsibility for their actions and instead place the burden on the other person by making them reach out first.
It's essential to recognize that this behavior is part of the narcissist's manipulation tactics and self-centered nature. If you find yourself dealing with a covert narcissist or have been discarded by one, it's crucial to focus on your well-being and emotional recovery. Establishing and maintaining strict boundaries can help protect you from further manipulation and potential harm. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can provide guidance and assistance in navigating the aftermath of a relationship with a covert narcissist.