Yes, a narcissist often knows what they are doing when they try to convince you that you are the narcissist or that you are the one at fault. This behavior is a manipulative tactic known as "gaslighting."
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser seeks to make the victim doubt their own perception, memory, and sanity. By accusing you of being the narcissist or projecting their negative traits onto you, the narcissist aims to undermine your self-confidence, confuse you, and gain control over the narrative.
Gaslighting can be highly effective because it plays on your vulnerabilities and emotions. The narcissist wants you to question your judgment and reality so that you become more reliant on them for validation and guidance. It also serves as a defense mechanism to deflect any accountability for their harmful actions and maintain their self-perceived superiority.
Being in a relationship with a gaslighting narcissist can indeed leave you feeling mentally exhausted and uncertain about your own thoughts and feelings. It can be challenging to distinguish reality from the distorted version presented by the manipulator.
If you find yourself in this situation, consider the following steps:
Trust Your Instincts: Recognize that your feelings and perceptions are valid. Trust your gut instincts and do not let the gaslighting make you doubt yourself.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your experiences. Having a support network can provide a reality check and help you see through the manipulation.
Set Boundaries: Establish firm boundaries with the narcissist to protect yourself from further manipulation. Limit your interactions and prioritize your well-being.
Educate Yourself: Learn more about narcissism and gaslighting to better understand the dynamics at play. Knowledge can empower you to recognize the manipulation and respond appropriately.
Consider No Contact: Depending on the situation, you may need to consider cutting off contact with the narcissist entirely to regain your mental clarity and emotional well-being.
Focus on Self-Care: Engage in self-care activities that promote your physical and emotional well-being. Take time to focus on yourself and your healing.
Seek Professional Help: If the gaslighting has significantly impacted your mental health and well-being, consider seeking support from a therapist experienced in dealing with narcissistic abuse and gaslighting.
Remember that dealing with a gaslighting narcissist can be emotionally challenging, and healing may take time. Be patient with yourself and prioritize your own well-being above all else.