When a narcissist cannot be with the person they are obsessed with, their behavior and reactions can vary based on the individual's personality, coping mechanisms, and the nature of their obsession. Here are some common ways a narcissist might act in such a situation:
Intense Frustration and Anger: The narcissist might experience extreme frustration and anger because they are unable to control or possess the person they are obsessed with. Their inability to have their desires fulfilled can lead to emotional outbursts and hostility.
Manipulative Tactics: In an attempt to regain control or re-establish a connection, the narcissist may use manipulative tactics to draw the person back into their sphere of influence. This can include love bombing, guilt-tripping, or making false promises of change.
Stalking and Surveillance: If the obsession reaches an unhealthy level, the narcissist may resort to stalking or monitoring the person's activities both in-person and online. This behavior is invasive and can be a sign of dangerous fixation.
Idealization or Devaluation: The narcissist may oscillate between idealizing and devaluing the person they are obsessed with. When they can't be with the person, they may put them on a pedestal, idealizing their qualities. But if the person rejects them or sets boundaries, the narcissist may devalue and criticize them to protect their ego.
Triangulation: The narcissist might involve others in the situation, using third parties to create jealousy or manipulate emotions in the person they are obsessed with. This tactic aims to evoke a reaction and maintain a sense of control.
Self-victimization: Some narcissists may portray themselves as victims of unrequited love or claim that they are suffering immensely due to the unavailability of the person they are obsessed with. This is often a manipulative tactic to gain sympathy and attention.
Seeking Replacement Sources of Narcissistic Supply: If the narcissist cannot be with the person they are obsessed with, they might seek out other individuals who can provide them with the attention, admiration, and validation they crave.
Isolation and Withdrawal: In some cases, if the narcissist faces consistent rejection or cannot manipulate the situation in their favor, they may isolate themselves emotionally or physically from others, indulging in self-pity and withdrawing from social interactions.
It's important to recognize that an unhealthy obsession is not a sign of genuine love or care but rather a reflection of the narcissist's own issues and dysfunctional behavior. If you or someone you know is dealing with a narcissist's unhealthy obsession, it's crucial to establish boundaries, seek support from friends and family, and consider professional help from a therapist or counselor to cope with the situation safely and effectively.