The "narcissist's last trick" is a phrase that is sometimes used to describe a manipulation tactic employed by narcissists when they feel they are losing control over someone or are facing the possibility of abandonment or rejection. This trick is often referred to as the "hoovering" technique.
Hoovering is named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner, as it involves the narcissist attempting to "suck" the person back into their life or regain control over them. It's a strategy used to reestablish contact with a previous target, whether it's a former romantic partner, friend, family member, or colleague. The purpose of hoovering is to reel the person back in, to meet the narcissist's needs for attention, admiration, and control.
The hoovering process may involve several tactics:
Idealization: The narcissist may shower the person with love, compliments, and promises of change. They'll try to recreate the initial idealized phase of the relationship, where everything seemed perfect.
Apologies and Regret: The narcissist might express remorse for their past actions and apologize profusely. They may promise to change, claim to have had an "epiphany," or blame their past behavior on external factors.
Love-Bombing: This tactic involves overwhelming the person with affection, attention, and gifts to make them feel special and desired.
Pity-Seeking: The narcissist may play the victim, portraying themselves as deeply hurt and in need of support and understanding. This can trigger the person's empathy and compassion, making them more likely to come back.
Guilt and Obligation: The narcissist might try to make the person feel guilty for leaving or abandoning them, using emotional manipulation to pull them back in.
Gaslighting: Narcissists may attempt to rewrite history or deny past abusive behavior to make the person doubt their own perceptions and memories.
Triangulation: The narcissist may involve other people, such as mutual friends or family members, to pressure the person into reconnecting or make them feel like they are losing social support.
It's crucial to recognize hoovering for what it is – a manipulation tactic. In most cases, the narcissist's efforts to change or improve themselves are not genuine, and their aim is to regain control over the person and continue their pattern of unhealthy behavior. Falling for hoovering can lead to a cycle of abuse and manipulation, further damaging the person's emotional well-being.
If you find yourself targeted by a narcissist's hoovering, it's essential to stay firm in your boundaries, trust your instincts, and seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to help navigate the situation safely. Remember, protecting your well-being should always be a priority.