When a narcissist tells you to go find somebody else, it is often a manipulation tactic, and they may not be genuinely done with you. Narcissists are skilled at playing mind games to maintain control and keep their sources of narcissistic supply (the people who provide them with attention, admiration, and validation) in their lives. Here are a few possibilities behind this statement:
Hoovering: Hoovering is a term used to describe a narcissist's attempt to draw a previous target (you) back into their life after a discard phase. By telling you to find someone else, they may be trying to trigger your fear of abandonment or make you feel unworthy. If they sense you pulling away or moving on, they might use this tactic to regain control over you.
Testing Your Reactions: Narcissists like to test the reactions of their targets to assess how much influence they still have over them. By saying they want you to find someone else, they may be gauging your emotional response or willingness to comply with their wishes.
Maintaining a Backup Option: Narcissists often keep multiple sources of narcissistic supply simultaneously. If their new supply doesn't meet their needs or if they experience a setback in that relationship, they may want to keep you as a backup option.
Maintaining Power and Control: By making such statements, a narcissist can assert dominance and manipulate your emotions. It keeps you uncertain about their intentions and holds you in a state of emotional vulnerability.
Triangulation: Triangulation is a tactic used by narcissists to create jealousy or competition among their targets. By suggesting that you find someone else, they might be trying to make you feel jealous or insecure about the new supply.
Regardless of their intent, it's essential to understand that being involved with a narcissist is generally harmful to one's emotional well-being. If you have decided to leave the relationship, it is essential to prioritize your healing and well-being. Going no contact or limited contact with the narcissist can be crucial for your emotional recovery.
Keep in mind that narcissists often struggle with genuine empathy and healthy emotional connections. Finding professional support, such as therapy or counseling, can be helpful in processing your emotions, rebuilding your self-esteem, and moving forward in a healthy way. Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family who can help you through this challenging time.