I can provide some general insights to help you gain a better understanding.
Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and anyone can exhibit narcissistic traits from time to time. It's essential to differentiate between having some narcissistic behaviors and having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a clinical diagnosis requiring professional evaluation.
Here are some points to consider when reflecting on the situation:
Seek professional help: If you are unsure and struggling to make sense of your relationship dynamics, consider seeking support from a licensed therapist or counselor. They can help you explore your feelings and behaviors and provide guidance on how to cope with the relationship.
Self-reflection: Take some time to self-reflect on your own behaviors and emotions. Are there patterns of manipulative behavior, a constant need for attention and admiration, a lack of empathy, or a disregard for others' feelings? If so, it might be helpful to work on these aspects with the support of a professional.
Patterns of behavior: Consider whether the issues in the relationship are primarily one-sided or if there are reciprocal patterns of unhealthy behavior. Healthy relationships require mutual respect, empathy, and emotional support.
Manipulation and control: Narcissists often use manipulation, gaslighting, and controlling behaviors to maintain power in relationships. Reflect on whether you have experienced these tactics or if you have used them to control your partner.
Empathy and self-awareness: Assess your ability to empathize with others and acknowledge your own flaws and mistakes. Narcissists tend to have difficulty understanding others' feelings and are often unwilling to accept personal responsibility.
Seek feedback from trusted individuals: Talk to friends or family members whom you trust to gain an outside perspective on the relationship dynamics.
Remember that relationships are complex, and both parties can contribute to the issues. It's crucial to focus on personal growth and emotional well-being, whether you identify as a narcissist or not. Seeking professional help can be a significant step toward gaining clarity and developing healthier relationship dynamics.