Narcissists continue to talk about their former partners even after they have been left or discarded for several reasons:
Need for Control and Dominance: Narcissists have an insatiable need for control and dominance over others. When a person leaves or discards them, they may feel a loss of control and power. Talking about their ex-partner allows them to regain a sense of control and superiority, as they can continue to influence how others perceive that individual.
Ego Protection: Narcissists have fragile egos and are deeply concerned about their public image. If someone leaves them, it may bruise their ego and make them feel humiliated or rejected. Talking negatively about the ex-partner can be a defense mechanism to protect their self-esteem and portray themselves as the "victim."
Lack of Closure: Narcissists often struggle with accepting the end of a relationship, especially if it was initiated by the other person. They might feel abandoned and unresolved emotions can lead them to obsessively talk about the person who left as they try to make sense of what happened.
Seeking Sympathy and Validation: By portraying themselves as the victim of a heartless ex-partner, narcissists seek sympathy and validation from others. They want others to view them as the one who was wronged and unfairly treated.
Triangulation and Manipulation: Narcissists may use their ex-partner's name or stories to create drama and triangulate others. By involving third parties in their post-relationship discussions, they can manipulate people's emotions and gain attention.
Idealization-Devaluation Cycle: The idealization-devaluation cycle is a common pattern in relationships with narcissists. After discarding their partner, they might shift from idealizing the person to devaluing them. Talking negatively about the ex-partner reinforces this devaluation and helps the narcissist feel justified in ending the relationship.
Maintaining Control Over the Narrative: By continuing to talk about the ex-partner, the narcissist can maintain control over the narrative of the relationship. They can spin stories and manipulate facts to suit their agenda and maintain the upper hand.
Jealousy and Envy: If the ex-partner appears to be moving on and thriving, the narcissist may feel envious and want to undermine their happiness by spreading negative stories or rumors.
It's essential to remember that the behavior of a narcissist is driven by their personality disorder and is not a reflection of your worth as a person. When dealing with a narcissist, it's crucial to set boundaries, maintain no-contact if possible, and focus on your own healing and well-being. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be helpful during this challenging time.