Not all narcissists abuse everyone they come in contact with, but their behavior is generally characterized by a lack of empathy and a focus on their own needs and desires. Narcissists typically display a range of behaviors and may treat different people differently based on their perceived value or usefulness to the narcissist.
The way a narcissist behaves towards others can vary depending on several factors, including:
Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists seek admiration, attention, and validation from others, known as "narcissistic supply." They are more likely to treat individuals who provide them with a significant amount of supply, such as romantic partners, with charm and affection during the initial stages of a relationship (love-bombing phase). However, once the narcissist feels secure in the relationship or has obtained what they wanted, their behavior may change.
Idealization and Devaluation: Narcissists tend to idealize individuals they perceive as beneficial to their self-image or goals. During this idealization phase, they may be generous, flattering, and supportive. However, if the person fails to meet the narcissist's expectations or challenges their superiority, the narcissist may shift to the devaluation phase. In this stage, the person is criticized, demeaned, and devalued.
Manipulation and Control: Narcissists often use manipulation and control tactics to maintain power over others. They might use gaslighting (manipulating someone's perception of reality), guilt-tripping, and emotional manipulation to keep people entangled in their web of influence.
Boundary Violations: Narcissists may have difficulty respecting other people's boundaries, as they feel entitled to do as they please. They might exploit others for their own gain, ignoring or disregarding the needs and feelings of those around them.
Selective Empathy: Narcissists may show empathy selectively, only when it benefits them or helps them maintain an image of caring or concern. However, this empathy is often superficial and temporary.
It's essential to recognize that not all narcissists engage in overt abuse, and the severity of their behavior can vary. Some narcissists may have learned to control their actions in specific social settings or hide their true nature to some extent. Others may resort to more subtle forms of manipulation or passive-aggressive behaviors rather than outright abuse.
Regardless of the extent of abuse, being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally harmful and draining. Setting boundaries and seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals is crucial for individuals dealing with narcissists to protect their well-being and seek healthier relationships.