After a breakup, what a narcissist wants can vary depending on the individual and the specific circumstances of the relationship. Narcissists typically exhibit traits of excessive self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Their behaviors and desires after a breakup might reflect these characteristics. Here are some common patterns of what a narcissist might want after a breakup:
Attention and validation: Narcissists crave attention and validation from others. After a breakup, they might seek validation from their social circle or even from the person they just broke up with. They want reassurance that they are still admired and desired.
Rekindling the relationship: A narcissist might attempt to rekindle the relationship after a breakup, especially if they perceive their ex-partner as a valuable source of admiration and attention. They might manipulate and charm their ex-partner to get back together, promising change or improvement.
Maintaining control: Narcissists often seek to maintain control over their former partners, even after a breakup. They may try to keep the lines of communication open to exert control, or they might engage in gaslighting and manipulation to destabilize their ex-partner emotionally.
Receiving sympathy and pity: Narcissists can play the victim card after a breakup to gain sympathy and pity from others. They may exaggerate their pain and suffering, casting themselves as the wounded party, and trying to elicit support and validation from others.
Hoovering: Hoovering is a term used to describe the narcissist's attempt to "suck" their ex-partner back into their life, especially when they feel their source of narcissistic supply is threatened. They may use various tactics such as grand gestures, promises of change, or attempts to re-establish contact to regain control over the situation.
Finding a new source of narcissistic supply: If the narcissist cannot get their ex-partner back, they might move on quickly to find a new source of admiration and validation. They might enter into new relationships or seek attention from other people to fill the void left by the breakup.
It's essential to recognize that dealing with a narcissist after a breakup can be challenging and emotionally draining. Setting clear boundaries and seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be helpful for those trying to navigate such a situation.