It's important to note that not all narcissists behave in the same way, and individual experiences may vary. However, there are some common patterns that may explain why some narcissists tend to go back to a particular ex despite encountering other people.
Familiarity and Control: Narcissists crave control and seek out situations where they feel dominant. Going back to an ex allows them to return to a relationship they are familiar with, where they may have established a level of control over the other person. This gives them a sense of comfort and power.
Ego Boost: The ex may have provided significant admiration, attention, or validation in the past. Narcissists often feed off external validation to prop up their fragile self-esteem. Reconnecting with an ex who used to provide ample narcissistic supply can be appealing as it strokes their ego.
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at emotional manipulation and may use their past history with the ex to exploit their vulnerabilities and emotions. They can use guilt, nostalgia, or past emotional connections to gain control over the ex once again.
Idealization and Devaluation Cycle: Narcissists typically follow a pattern of idealization and devaluation in their relationships. They may view their ex-partner as ideal during the idealization phase, then devalue and discard them when their flaws become apparent. After encountering new people who may not meet their ideal standards, they may revert to their ex, whom they already idealized in the past.
Fear of Abandonment: Despite their seemingly self-confident facade, narcissists often fear abandonment and rejection at a deep level. Returning to an ex-partner may be a way to avoid feeling abandoned or alone, even if it means treating the ex as a backup option.
Possessiveness: Narcissists may see their ex-partner as their possession or property. When they see their ex with someone else, they may feel a sense of jealousy and competition, leading them to want the ex back to regain control over the person.
It's important to understand that a narcissist's behavior is driven by their personality disorder, and their actions may not be rational or emotionally healthy. If you suspect that you or someone you know is dealing with a narcissist, seeking professional help and establishing healthy boundaries is crucial for your well-being.