When a narcissistic individual suddenly starts being nice and considerate, it is essential to be cautious and understand that their behavior may be part of a manipulative strategy. This change in behavior is often referred to as "hoovering" in the context of narcissistic relationships. Hoovering is when a narcissist attempts to draw a previous victim back into a relationship or situation after they have devalued and discarded them.
There are a few reasons why a narcissist might engage in hoovering:
Regain control: Narcissists thrive on control and attention. By being nice, they try to regain control over you and the relationship, as well as to get the attention they crave.
Ego boost: The narcissist's ego is fragile, and seeing you respond positively to their sudden kindness provides them with a sense of power and superiority.
Strategic move: Being nice is a tactic to keep you engaged or to use you as a source of validation, attention, or support when they need it.
Fear of abandonment: Narcissists can be afraid of being abandoned, and they may resort to hoovering to prevent you from moving on and finding happiness without them.
Maintaining a backup option: By staying connected and appearing kind, the narcissist ensures you remain an available option if their other sources of supply become scarce.
It's crucial to be aware that this sudden change in behavior is not a genuine transformation. Narcissists rarely change their core traits, and their kindness is usually temporary and aimed at serving their own self-interests. Engaging with a narcissist who has previously caused harm can be emotionally damaging and prolong your healing process.
If you have separated from a narcissistic ex-partner and they are attempting to hoover you back into the relationship, it is essential to set clear boundaries and prioritize your well-being. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist who can provide insight and help you navigate this challenging situation. Remember that focusing on your own healing and personal growth is the most important step toward moving forward in a healthy and positive way.