When a narcissist enters the discard stage driven by their need for control or power over the person they are discarding, it highlights a key aspect of their personality and behavior. At the core of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a deep-seated need for admiration and validation. To maintain this inflated self-image, narcissists seek to dominate and control those around them, often engaging in manipulative and exploitative behaviors.
In the context of a narcissistic discard, the need for control and power can manifest in several ways:
Punishment for Independence: If the narcissist perceives that their partner or victim is gaining more independence, asserting themselves, or challenging the narcissist's authority, it can trigger a sense of losing control. In response, the narcissist may discard the person to exert dominance and punish them for daring to challenge their authority.
Maintaining the Upper Hand: Narcissists thrive on being in a position of power and superiority. When they sense that the other person is becoming less dependent on them or gaining confidence, the narcissist may feel threatened. The discard stage can be a way for the narcissist to regain control and reaffirm their dominance in the relationship.
Discarding as a Power Play: By initiating the discard, the narcissist is taking control of the narrative and the relationship's end. They may want to be the one in charge of the breakup or ending to maintain an image of superiority and victimize the other person, garnering sympathy and attention from others.
Emotional Manipulation: During the discard phase, the narcissist may use emotional manipulation to keep the other person emotionally invested and under their control. This could involve alternating between love bombing and devaluation, creating confusion and dependency in the victim.
Fear of Abandonment: Underneath the narcissist's grandiose exterior often lies deep-seated insecurity. The fear of being abandoned or rejected can trigger the discard phase as a way to protect themselves from potential emotional pain.
It's essential to recognize that the narcissistic discard is not a reflection of the victim's worth or value but a result of the narcissist's psychological issues. Narcissists often lack empathy and have difficulty forming healthy, genuine connections with others, leading them to view relationships as tools for their gratification and control.
If you or someone you know is dealing with a narcissistic relationship or the aftermath of a discard, seeking support from a therapist or counselor experienced in dealing with narcissistic personality disorder and emotional abuse can be beneficial. It can aid in processing emotions, understanding the dynamics of the relationship, and developing strategies for healing and moving forward.