Narcissists have distinct personality traits and defense mechanisms that contribute to their behavior when confronted with criticism or negative emotions directed at them. Understanding these traits can shed light on why they act the way they do:
Fragile self-esteem: Despite projecting a grandiose and confident exterior, narcissists often have a fragile sense of self-esteem deep down. When confronted with criticism or negative emotions, they may interpret it as a threat to their self-image of perfection and superiority. To protect their fragile self-esteem, they may react defensively and shift the focus back to themselves.
Lack of empathy: Narcissists typically lack genuine empathy and find it challenging to understand or validate the feelings of others. Consequently, they may dismiss or belittle your emotions and concerns, downplaying the impact of their actions on you.
Manipulation and control: Narcissists aim to maintain control and power in relationships. By turning the situation around and making it about themselves, they divert attention away from their hurtful behavior and attempt to regain control over the narrative.
Avoiding accountability: Narcissists have difficulty accepting responsibility for their actions. Admitting fault would contradict their self-perceived image of perfection and superiority. Instead, they might deflect blame onto others to evade accountability.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic commonly used by narcissists. They may distort the truth, deny their actions, or question your perception of reality to make you doubt your own feelings and judgment. This further reinforces their control over the situation.
Need for validation and admiration: Narcissists crave admiration and validation from others. When you express negative emotions towards them, they might feel a sense of rejection or loss of validation, leading them to retaliate to regain their perceived rightful admiration.
Pathological need for attention: Narcissists often need continuous attention and validation from others. By acting mad or wounded when you express your emotions, they draw attention back to themselves and manipulate the situation in their favor.
Defense mechanism: Their behavior might be a result of defense mechanisms like projection, where they attribute their negative traits or emotions onto others. By making you the "bad guy," they can avoid acknowledging their own faults.
Remember that the behavior of a narcissist is driven by deeply ingrained personality traits, and it is not your fault that they react this way. Trying to reason with or change a narcissist's behavior is usually futile. If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being and consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate the challenges of dealing with a narcissistic individual.