When a narcissist can't control someone, their behavior can vary depending on the individual and the specific situation. Narcissists have a deep need for control, admiration, and validation from others, and when they encounter someone who resists or challenges their attempts at control, they may react in different ways. Here are some common responses a narcissist may exhibit when they can't control someone:
Rage and Anger: A narcissist may respond with intense anger and rage when they feel their attempts to control someone are failing. They may lash out verbally, emotionally, or even physically as a way to regain a sense of power and dominance.
Manipulation and Gaslighting: Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and they may resort to more subtle forms of manipulation and gaslighting to make the person doubt themselves or question their own perceptions and beliefs. This can be an attempt to regain control indirectly.
Triangulation: If a narcissist can't control someone directly, they may involve others to create a sense of competition or division, often through gossip and spreading misinformation. By manipulating the dynamics between people, they seek to regain control indirectly.
Discard and Withdrawal: In some cases, a narcissist may decide to discard the person from their life altogether if they can't control them. They might withdraw emotionally or physically, especially if the person's resistance threatens the narcissist's self-esteem or sense of superiority.
Playing the Victim: When their attempts at control are met with resistance, narcissists may switch tactics and portray themselves as the victim. They might use guilt-tripping or self-pity to evoke sympathy and attention from others.
Hoovering: Hoovering is a term used to describe the tactic of a narcissist trying to draw a person back into their life after they've been discarded or when the narcissist feels they are losing control. They may use love-bombing and false promises to lure the person back.
Silent Treatment: Another way narcissists try to regain control is by employing the silent treatment. They may give the person the cold shoulder, ignore them, or withhold communication as a means of punishment.
Seeking New Targets: If a narcissist can't control a particular person, they may turn their attention to finding new targets who are more susceptible to their manipulation and control.
It's essential to remember that dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally challenging and potentially harmful. If you find yourself in a situation where you are dealing with a narcissistic individual, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being and consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate the complexities of the relationship and provide guidance on setting healthy boundaries.