People who are married to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may often experience the phenomenon of idealization and devaluation, which is also known as "splitting." However, the frequency and intensity of this behavior can vary widely depending on the individual with BPD and the dynamics within the relationship.
Idealization and devaluation are typical patterns seen in many individuals with BPD. During the idealization phase, the person with BPD may view their partner as perfect, putting them on a pedestal and seeing them as the source of all their happiness and well-being. This intense adoration can lead to feelings of being deeply loved and appreciated by the partner.
On the other hand, during the devaluation phase, the individual with BPD may suddenly shift their perception of their partner to the opposite extreme. They may see the partner as all bad, unworthy, and responsible for their emotional pain and distress. This devaluation phase can be triggered by perceived slights, real or imagined, and may lead to intense anger, hostility, and feelings of rejection.
It's important to note that not all individuals with BPD engage in idealization and devaluation, and the frequency and severity can differ among people with this disorder. Additionally, some individuals with BPD may experience these patterns with greater intensity and frequency during periods of stress or emotional dysregulation, while others may show more stable relationship patterns.
The impact of idealization and devaluation on the spouse can be emotionally taxing and confusing. The constant shifts in perception and emotions can lead to significant relationship challenges and may contribute to feelings of instability and emotional turmoil within the marriage.
Managing a relationship with someone with BPD requires understanding, empathy, and effective communication. It's crucial for both partners to seek support and potentially engage in couples therapy or individual therapy to learn coping strategies and foster healthier relationship dynamics.
If you or someone you know is in a relationship with someone with BPD and is struggling to cope with the challenges it presents, seeking guidance from mental health professionals can be beneficial in navigating the complexities of such relationships.