Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition characterized by significant emotional dysregulation, unstable interpersonal relationships, and difficulties with self-image and identity. People with BPD can display extreme shifts in emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, which can sometimes result in alternating between being mean or hostile and being nice or affectionate. Several factors contribute to this pattern:
Emotional Instability: Individuals with BPD often experience intense and rapidly changing emotions. They may have difficulty regulating their emotions, leading to sudden mood swings. When they are mean or hostile, they might be experiencing anger, frustration, or feelings of abandonment. Later, they may experience remorse or guilt, leading them to act more kindly.
Fear of Abandonment: People with BPD commonly have a profound fear of abandonment, which can trigger defensive behaviors. When they feel threatened or believe someone is withdrawing emotionally or physically, they might react with hostility to protect themselves. When they perceive that the person is still present and accepting, their fear of abandonment may temporarily subside, leading to a shift in behavior towards kindness.
Black-and-White Thinking: BPD can involve a tendency towards black-and-white thinking, where individuals view situations and people as all good or all bad. When they are upset or angry, they may perceive others as entirely negative, leading to mean or hostile behavior. However, when they feel more positively about the person, they may suddenly shift to a more positive outlook and become nice.
Desire for Connection: Despite their interpersonal challenges, individuals with BPD often desire close relationships and connection. They may cycle between pushing people away due to fear and insecurity and pulling them closer because of the need for intimacy and support.
Efforts to Gain Approval: Some individuals with BPD may act mean or hostile as a way of coping with their emotions, but they may later try to gain approval or prevent rejection by being nice or affectionate.
It's essential to understand that these shifts in behavior are not manipulative but rather a manifestation of the person's emotional struggles and difficulties in regulating their emotions. Living with BPD can be overwhelming, and these sudden changes may be the person's way of coping with their intense emotions and trying to navigate their relationships.
Supporting individuals with BPD involves patience, understanding, and setting boundaries when necessary. Encouraging them to seek professional help, such as therapy or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can assist them in developing healthier coping mechanisms and improving their overall well-being.