When a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) says, "you don't believe me," it's important to respond with empathy, understanding, and validation. People with BPD often struggle with intense emotions, fear of abandonment, and difficulties with interpersonal relationships. Here are some helpful ways to respond:
Validate their feelings: Express empathy and let them know that you understand they are feeling a certain way. Validation doesn't mean you have to agree with their beliefs or perceptions, but you can acknowledge that their emotions are valid for them.
Use active listening: Pay close attention to what they are saying and show that you are actively engaged in the conversation. Make eye contact and use verbal and nonverbal cues to indicate that you are genuinely listening.
Reflect their feelings: Reflect back to them what you think they are feeling. For example, you can say, "It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated (or upset, hurt, etc.). Is that right?"
Avoid being dismissive: Refrain from saying things like, "You're overreacting" or "It's not a big deal." Such responses can make the person feel invalidated and escalate their emotions.
Avoid being defensive: If the person is expressing their feelings about a specific situation, try not to get defensive. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective and feelings.
Offer reassurance: Let them know that you care about them and their well-being. Assure them that you are there to listen and support them.
Set boundaries: It's essential to set and maintain healthy boundaries in the relationship. Be clear about what you can and cannot do to support them.
Suggest professional help: If the person is open to it, encourage them to seek support from a mental health professional who specializes in treating BPD. Therapy can be beneficial for managing symptoms and developing coping strategies.
Educate yourself: Take the time to learn more about BPD to better understand the challenges the person may be facing. Knowledge and empathy can go a long way in supporting someone with BPD.
Remember that communication with someone who has BPD can be challenging, and it's essential to approach the situation with patience and compassion. If the person becomes overwhelmed or distressed, it may be best to take a break from the conversation and revisit it when emotions have settled. If you are not sure how to handle a particular situation, consulting with a mental health professional can provide you with additional guidance and support.