Yes, people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) commonly experience a pattern of idealizing and devaluing others, which is known as "splitting." Splitting is a defense mechanism where individuals perceive others and themselves as either all good or all bad, with little room for shades of gray. They may quickly swing between intense admiration and affection (idealization) to extreme devaluation and disdain (devaluation) for the same person, often in response to perceived abandonment or rejection.
This idealization and devaluation can create significant challenges in relationships for several reasons:
Intense Emotions: People with BPD often experience emotions more intensely than others, leading to extreme shifts in their perceptions of others and themselves.
Fear of Abandonment: Individuals with BPD may have an intense fear of being abandoned or rejected, which can trigger the devaluation of others as a way to protect themselves from perceived threats.
Identity Instability: BPD is also associated with identity disturbances, leading individuals to struggle with a stable sense of self and to look for external validation, which can contribute to idealizing others.
Black-and-White Thinking: The tendency to see others as either entirely good or entirely bad may result from difficulty tolerating ambiguity or uncertainty.
Despite the potential for hurt, individuals with BPD may still pursue relationships for several reasons:
Fear of Being Alone: The fear of being abandoned or left alone can drive individuals with BPD to seek relationships, even though they may struggle to maintain them in the long term.
Desperation for Connection: Deep down, individuals with BPD may desperately desire meaningful connections and emotional intimacy, leading them to engage in relationships despite potential challenges.
Hope for Change: There might be a belief that if they find the "right" person, they won't experience the pain of devaluation or abandonment.
Lack of Awareness: Some individuals with BPD might not fully understand the impact their behavior has on relationships until after the idealization and devaluation cycles occur.
It's important to remember that not everyone with BPD will struggle with relationships in the same way, and some may have more stable, fulfilling relationships with appropriate treatment and support. Recognizing the pattern of idealization and devaluation is crucial in managing BPD and cultivating healthier relationships. Psychotherapy, especially dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can be very effective in helping individuals with BPD learn coping skills, emotional regulation, and healthier ways of relating to others.