"Limerence" is a psychological phenomenon coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her 1979 book "Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love." It refers to an intense, involuntary emotional state characterized by obsessive thoughts and feelings of infatuation towards another person. Limerence is often described as an overwhelming and all-consuming romantic attraction, typically experienced during the early stages of a romantic relationship or crush.
Key features of limerence include:
Intrusive thoughts: The person experiencing limerence constantly thinks about the object of their affection. They may daydream about the other person, replay conversations in their mind, or create imaginary scenarios involving the romantic interest.
Intense emotions: Limerence involves powerful emotions that can fluctuate dramatically. The person may feel euphoric when their affections are reciprocated or devastated if their feelings are not returned.
Physical symptoms: Limerence can be accompanied by physiological responses, such as increased heart rate, butterflies in the stomach, and difficulty concentrating on other matters.
Obsessive behavior: Those in a state of limerence may engage in repetitive and obsessive behaviors, such as stalking the person on social media or seeking out information about them.
Idealization: The person in limerence often idealizes the object of their affection, viewing them as perfect and focusing on their positive qualities while ignoring or downplaying any negative aspects.
Fear of rejection: There is typically a fear of rejection in limerence, leading the person to be highly sensitive to any signs of disinterest or withdrawal from the other person.
Emotional dependency: Limerence can lead to a strong emotional dependence on the other person for happiness and well-being.
Limerence is considered to be distinct from genuine, mature love, as it is often based on idealization and infatuation rather than a deep emotional connection built over time. While limerence can be a powerful and transformative experience, it is not always a sustainable foundation for a long-term relationship. As time passes, limerence may naturally fade, leading to a more stable and realistic form of love or the realization that the feelings were not as deep as initially believed.
It's essential to recognize that limerence is a psychological state and not a mental disorder. However, for some individuals, the intensity of limerence can cause distress, especially if the feelings are unreciprocated or lead to obsessive and harmful behaviors. In such cases, seeking support from a mental health professional can be beneficial.