Experiencing feelings of faking dissociative disorders is relatively common among individuals with these conditions. There are a few reasons why this might happen:
Dissociation itself: Dissociation involves a disconnection between different aspects of consciousness, memory, identity, or perception. During dissociative episodes, individuals may feel detached from reality or their own experiences. This sense of detachment can lead to a feeling of unreality or as if they are faking their experiences.
Amnesia and memory gaps: People with dissociative disorders often experience memory gaps or amnesia for certain events or periods of time. When they cannot remember significant parts of their lives or their memories seem fragmented, it can lead to doubt about the authenticity of their experiences.
Coping mechanism: Dissociation can serve as a coping mechanism for dealing with overwhelming emotions, trauma, or distress. Some individuals may feel like they are intentionally or involuntarily "putting on a show" to protect themselves from painful memories or emotions.
Lack of awareness: Dissociative disorders can involve a lack of awareness or a sense of detachment from one's emotions or experiences. This can create uncertainty about one's feelings and perceptions, leading to a feeling of being disconnected from oneself or one's own experiences.
Working out what is real and what is a symptom of dissociation can be challenging, but it's essential to seek professional help from a mental health specialist experienced in dissociative disorders. Here are some steps that may be helpful:
Seek professional evaluation: Reach out to a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, who specializes in dissociative disorders. They can conduct a thorough assessment to determine whether you have a dissociative disorder and help you understand your experiences.
Keep a journal: Document your feelings, experiences, and any dissociative episodes you may have. This can help you and your mental health professional identify patterns and triggers.
Open communication: Be honest and open with your mental health professional about your doubts and feelings of faking it. They are trained to help you navigate these complex emotions and experiences.
Validate your experiences: It's essential to recognize that your feelings and experiences are valid, even if they are challenging to understand or feel disconnected. Validating your emotions can be a crucial step in the healing process.
Treatment: Engage in therapy specifically tailored to dissociative disorders, such as Trauma-focused therapy or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). These therapies can help you explore your experiences, understand dissociation, and develop coping skills.
Remember that healing and understanding dissociative disorders take time, patience, and support. Don't hesitate to reach out for professional help to work through your experiences and emotions.