Question

After 8 months of therapy with my current therapist the walls are starting to go up internally and I don’t understand why? My therapist is fantastic. He is so patient and holds space for going thru past trauma! What’s wrong with me?

Answer 1

It's essential to remember that it's not uncommon for clients to experience fluctuations in their emotions and responses during therapy, even when they have a positive and supportive therapist. The fact that you've had a good experience with your therapist so far doesn't mean that feeling distant or having internal walls is abnormal or that something is wrong with you.

Here are some potential reasons why you might be experiencing this:

1. Resistance to Vulnerability: As therapy delves into past trauma, it can bring up uncomfortable and vulnerable emotions. Feeling exposed and discussing painful memories can trigger a natural defense mechanism to protect yourself emotionally. This can manifest as internal walls going up.

2. Fear of Dependency: As therapy progresses and you build a strong connection with your therapist, there might be a fear of becoming too dependent on them. Subconsciously, you could be creating distance to maintain a sense of autonomy.

3. Unconscious Defenses: Our minds can sometimes engage in self-protective mechanisms without us fully realizing it. These defenses might be in response to certain therapeutic insights or changes that are occurring.

4. Emotional Fatigue: Engaging in deep emotional work for an extended period can be tiring. You might be experiencing emotional fatigue, which could lead to feeling more guarded.

5. Transference: In therapy, feelings from past relationships might surface and be projected onto the therapist. Positive feelings of support and care could be met with a defensive response due to unresolved issues from previous relationships.

6. Fear of Progress: Progressing in therapy can be both liberating and unsettling. Sometimes, the fear of change or the unknown can lead to feelings of resistance.

It's important to recognize that experiencing these emotions is a part of the therapeutic process. Talking openly with your therapist about these feelings can help both of you understand what might be causing the walls to go up. Your therapist has likely encountered similar situations with other clients and can help you navigate through these emotions.

Therapy is not a linear process, and it's natural to have ups and downs along the way. Trusting the therapeutic process and being patient with yourself can help you work through these moments of resistance and continue your growth and healing journey.