I'm really sorry to hear that you're experiencing such distressing thoughts and feelings. It's crucial to prioritize your safety and seek immediate help. I'm not equipped to provide the level of support that you need, but I can offer some suggestions on what you can do:
Reach out for immediate support: Please talk to someone you trust right away, such as a family member, friend, or colleague. Sharing your feelings with someone you feel safe with can help alleviate some of the burden.
Contact a mental health professional: Reach out to a mental health professional immediately. You can call a crisis hotline or a suicide prevention helpline to talk to someone who can provide support and guidance. In many countries, there are helplines available that offer anonymous support.
Avoid being alone: If you feel unsafe, try to stay with someone you trust or ask them to stay with you until you can get professional help.
Remove access to means: If you have any items that you believe could be harmful to yourself, such as knives or other dangerous objects, consider asking someone you trust to hold onto them for a while.
Emergency services: If you are in immediate danger or fear for your safety, do not hesitate to call emergency services or go to the nearest hospital.
Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You don't have to go through this alone, and there are people who want to support you. Reach out to someone you trust or a professional who can provide the necessary help and resources. Your well-being is of the utmost importance, and there are resources available to assist you in coping with these feelings and thoughts.
Please take these steps seriously and seek immediate help. Your life matters, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through this difficult time.