Based on the information you've provided, it does seem like there might be some cause for concern in your relationship. The fact that your boyfriend only takes you on a date once a year and you have to initiate it and cover all the expenses yourself raises some red flags about the balance and investment in the relationship.
Feeling used in a relationship can be very disheartening and damaging to one's self-esteem and emotional well-being. It's essential to have open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Here are some steps to consider:
Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to think about how this situation makes you feel and how it affects your perception of the relationship. Consider if you have spoken to your boyfriend about this issue before and how he responded.
Talk to Your Boyfriend: Initiate a calm and non-confrontational conversation with your boyfriend. Express your feelings and concerns about the lack of effort in the relationship and the disparity in planning and expenses for the dates. Listen to his perspective as well to understand his point of view.
Discuss Expectations: Talk about each other's expectations in the relationship. Communication is crucial for understanding if both partners are on the same page regarding the level of effort, investment, and commitment they are willing to put into the relationship.
Consider the Relationship's Overall Health: Assess the overall health and dynamics of your relationship. Is this issue isolated, or are there other areas of concern? Are there other signs of emotional neglect or disinterest?
Seek External Support: If you find it challenging to address these issues on your own or feel that communication isn't improving the situation, consider seeking the help of a relationship counselor or therapist. They can provide a neutral and supportive environment for both of you to explore these concerns.
Set Boundaries and Prioritize Self-Care: It's essential to set boundaries and prioritize your own emotional well-being. If you feel that your concerns are not being addressed or the relationship is not meeting your needs, consider what actions you need to take to prioritize yourself and your happiness.
Ultimately, a healthy and fulfilling relationship involves both partners making an effort to nurture the connection and show care and consideration for each other's feelings. If your boyfriend is not willing to address the issue or make changes, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship and consider what is best for your long-term happiness.