It's concerning that your boyfriend responds to your attempts to discuss issues in a way that is not productive or healthy. Communication is a vital aspect of any relationship, and it should be handled with respect, empathy, and a willingness to understand each other's perspectives. Here are some steps you can take to address this situation:
Choose the right time and place: Make sure you pick a calm and private setting to talk about important matters. Avoid bringing up sensitive topics in the heat of an argument.
Use "I" statements: Frame your concerns using "I" statements instead of pointing fingers. For example, say "I feel hurt when..." rather than "You always..."
Stay calm and composed: It can be challenging, but try to remain calm and collected during the conversation. Avoid raising your voice or becoming defensive, as this may escalate the situation.
Focus on specific issues: Be clear about the problem you want to address, and stick to that particular issue. Avoid bringing up past conflicts or unrelated matters.
Encourage open communication: Let your boyfriend know that you value his feelings and perspectives. Create a safe space for him to express himself honestly without fear of judgment or retaliation.
Set boundaries: If your boyfriend starts to rage or threaten to leave during the conversation, let him know that such reactions are not acceptable. Set boundaries for how you expect to be treated in discussions.
Seek professional help if needed: If communication problems persist, consider seeking couples counseling or therapy. A professional can help both of you work through communication issues and develop healthier ways to handle conflicts.
Reflect on the relationship: Take some time to think about whether this pattern of behavior is something you can accept in the long term. A relationship should be based on mutual respect and understanding.
Remember, it's essential to be in a relationship where you feel heard, valued, and respected. If your boyfriend consistently refuses to address issues and resorts to unhealthy behaviors, it may be a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. Ultimately, you deserve to be with someone who treats you with kindness and empathy and is willing to work through problems together constructively.