I'm sorry to hear that you had a disappointing experience with your therapist. While I don't have specific information about your therapist or her approach, I can offer some general insights that might help you understand why some therapists may prioritize their method over the client-therapist alliance.
Therapeutic orientation: Therapists often have different theoretical orientations and approaches to therapy. Some may adhere strictly to a specific method or framework, which could lead them to prioritize their approach over adapting to individual client needs. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as different therapeutic orientations can be effective for different individuals, but it may mean that a therapist's style might not be the best fit for everyone.
Personal style and limitations: Therapists are human beings with their personalities, biases, and limitations. While professional therapists are trained to be empathetic and understanding, they may have difficulty expressing warmth or empathy in a way that aligns with your specific needs. It's possible that their natural therapeutic style doesn't fully resonate with you.
Lack of awareness: Sometimes, therapists might not be aware of how their approach or demeanor is affecting their clients. They might not recognize the significance of the warmth and empathy you requested or may not know how to adjust their approach accordingly.
Boundary and ethics considerations: In some cases, therapists may be cautious about adapting too quickly or dramatically to a client's request for more warmth and empathy. They might be concerned about maintaining professional boundaries or crossing ethical lines. While being empathetic is essential, therapists also need to ensure they remain objective and focused on the client's best interests.
Therapeutic process and goals: Therapists often have a plan or specific goals for therapy based on their training and experience. Sometimes, the therapist might believe that their chosen method will ultimately be more beneficial for the client in achieving those goals, even if it takes time to establish a strong alliance.
It's important to remember that therapy is a collaborative process, and finding the right therapist who fits well with your preferences and needs can make a significant difference in the effectiveness of therapy. If you feel that your therapist is not meeting your needs, it's entirely appropriate to discuss your concerns with them or consider finding a new therapist whose style and approach better align with what you're seeking from therapy.
Remember, finding the right therapist is crucial for a successful therapeutic journey. It's okay to explore different therapists and approaches until you find the one that feels right for you.